Foreplay

[giggles]

I have just started seeing a male para. I don't want to always have to tell him what I want- any tips out there for showing him that I'm interested in going further? Please gimme some creative ideas- my old techniques for getting someone excited aren't as easy with this guy...

[Badger]

Hey, might sound lame, but conversation is normally a good starter... Well, that or kissing either should be heading that way, and he should (guessing he's a full blooded heterosexual male) get the message.

How's it been going the last few weeks?

[giggles]

Hey thanks for the advice.

It has been going well thanks. Obviously communication is the key but even when you know this it is REALLY hard to bring up some of these convos. Especially hard to bring up is the stuff you know that they are/will be self-conscious about!

[Badger]

Great news, glad to hear it Thats awesome, and yes communication really is the basis of any good relationship, regardless as to the amount (or type) of sex thats being had.

Personally I still think bringing it up at the best time that you feel is right, while doing dishes, watching movie, going for a walk, any time you feel is right. Still, thats just my opinion for making it an easy yet careful conversation, so its not a 'we need to talk' sort of thing That might put a little pressure on, rather than keeping it light & open. That way might not be so self conscious for them. For me, that would kinda be best approach, like a planned, non-confronting sneak attack , so to speak.

[Jeffb334]

Been a para for a lot of years now. Here's a secret: There are good guys and guys not so good. Here's another secret: The good guys who are paraplegics care more about satisfying you than anything else. In ANY decent man's mind, in bed you want to be awesome for your partner.
For me, and I do not think I am alone, I wanted to KNOW whatever makes my partner feel incredible.
Most times, that never involved being able to walk.
My hands, my tongue, my --- I don't know the proper way to say it--my cock (no matter how I got it hard)-- everything is involved. The goal is to please your partner and to make the connection between you and your partner be the closest it can be.
So overall I have a few pieces of advice (from a para man's point of view):
1) If you're a guy, a para, and she is even CLOSE to being in bed with you, then she likes YOU! She sees the chair less, MUCH LESS, than she sees YOU. No matter how many barriers you put up. She sees you as a MAN! Probably more than you do sometimes.

2)If you are a woman interested in/dating/whatever you want to do with a guy in a chair, ASK QUESTIONS!!! We won't be insulted. Far from it. We will be happy you even have those thoughts about us!!! And we would rather have you know the truth up front than going along with assumptions or stereotypes.

(3 and 4 are quick sex tips)
3) Guys, a MAJORITY of women achieve orgasm not from intercourse, but from other methods. If I have to describe further, you're not getting laid anyway.......
4)Girls who are in bed with a para: VERY sensiive stuff. But my one suggestion is finding out the lowest point on his body he can feel-- both in back an in front-- and caressing that as you would his penis. let him feel what he can feel. Your fingernails, your fingertips. And guys, just let them. You WILL orgasm.
5) The orgasm I mentioned earlier for guys who are para's is not the SAME as it would be if you werent paralyzed. It is DIFFERENT. It will be better or worse depending on how truly intimate you are with your partner.

I really want to write a blog about this. I know what I am talking about. i know the insecurities on both sides. I know the WANTS for the other person on both sides. I have learned it the "hard" way, and the easy way. Would anyone be interested in like 2-4 posts about insights on sex with a paraplegic man?

[Badger]

Good call Jeff Sometimes that works, as you say, depending on the lady.

[Jeffb334]

Whether you are handicapped or not, everything depends on the lady.

[Veggievor]

It's 2 years later. but I would LOVE love LOVE a blog post on this, or something to give the average partner slightly more insight.

If you have one up, will you please send a link, Jeff?
Or if you don't, could I pester you with questions?

Thank you for the amazingly helpful hints!